I have returned to the blog-sphere after a few weeks in exile! I am just conceited enough to believe that someone somewhere actually missed all my ramblings and thoughts. And so, because I believe this, I will continue to write this post.
So, you may or may not (probably not) wonder about my absence. It was due to medical reasons. Medical reasons so grave that modern science has yet to find a cure, and quite frankly has yet to officially diagnose my condition. I, however, (always ahead as usual) have taken the liberty of diagnosing it myself. I refer to it as CBF Syndrome. Serious sounding and critical yes? That’s because it is. CBF Syndrome has been affecting women, and a few men, world over for years and quite frankly it is a greatly misunderstood disease that requires more awareness and sensitivity. Yeah, I said it, Cancer and AIDS are getting all the attention!
What’s that? You’ve never heard of CBF Syndrome? Exactly my point!
Well CBF in full is Chronic Bitch Face Syndrome. Yes, Chromic Bitch Face Syndrome.
I have been suffering from CBF for the past 6 years of my life and it has been a difficult disease to live with. Everyday is harder for me due to CBF. For those of you who may be wondering, according to the Urban Dictionary, CBF occurs when a female constantly has a “angered” or “agitated” look upon her face.
The following questions may help you determine if you are suffering from this horrendous disorder:
1. Do people often ask you to cheer up or relax or ask you ‘what’s wrong’ even when you aren’t feeling angry?
2. Do you find that from time to time you have to smile extra big just to stretch your muscles a bit?
3. Do your friends often tell you that people are afraid or intimidated by you?
If you answered yes to these then you most probably have CBF and should visit your nearest medical centre for assistance.
Seriously though, I would like to share my experience living with CBF.
I started to suspect that I had CBF a few years back. At first I imagined that I just had a really concerned and supportive group of friends who would constantly ask “Are you okay?” or just a bunch of hippie friends who would constantly tell me to smile. But then I quickly realised that I was the only one who got these questions. I was the only one ever told to relax or to smile. So I set out to discover what it was.
Why was everyone always telling me these things? I then discovered that, somehow, due to forces beyond me, my resting face-the natural state of my face when I have no particular emotion- looks angry or agitated. Therefore people feel the need to enquire if I am in fact angry or agitated.
CBF is a hard disease to live with. Especially for women. Especially because the full name of this condition had been lost and instead been shortened to just one word- Bitch. I find this wholly unfair. This gives an untrue and unfair representation of the condition that we battle. CBF has greatly hindered my life experiences.
For example, CBF has prevented me from making new friends- people are easily scared by a CBF sufferer. In fact, most of the few people who have actually become my friends despite this condition have then been kind enough to let me know that prior to our friendship they were afraid of me.
CBF has also led to me trying to overcompensate. I try so hard to show people that I am not at all angry and that I am in fact fine. So I laugh a lot. I laugh more than necessary. It never seems to work though. When I laugh people look at me like I’m a wolf. No seriously. You know when a wolf is laughing and all it’s teeth are showing and everyone nervous laughs along afraid that at any moment the wolf will tear them apart? That’s me. Okay a tad too dramatic but really though, it’s like everyone is waiting for the other shoe to drop, or rather the bitch face to drop.
I wish I didn’t suffer from CBF. I wish I had that approachable, fun-loving vibe going on. That people looked at me from far and were like “That looks like a really cool chic to hang with who does not in any way look scary or mean!” I really wish this were true.
So how do we cure CBF? Sad truth, we can’t. I know, it sucks. It’s just that the muscles in our faces are to blame. It is not that I mean to look unwelcoming, it’s just that that seems to be the expression my face chooses every time! Studies show that people with CBF have tighter face muscles that are inclined to rest in a taut manner, hence the look of agitation or frowning. ** (Absolutely no study shows this)
We may not be able to cure it but we can however help those already living with CBF. Here are a few tips:
1. Quit telling them to relax!
Please note that telling someone to relax when they are already super relaxed only makes them charge at you like a bull so basically you’re making it worse. And when they do erupt it is not a confirmation that they were actually not relaxed as you wrongly guessed but only a confirmation that you are an annoying person who can make a totally relaxed person not relaxed.
2. Approach them
No, they are not dangerous. Most people with CBF are really nice people. Just talk to them, they don’t bite- even if they literally look like they bite.
3. Spread the word- raise awareness.
It helps to educate people on CBF
So I guess I’ve done my part in raising awareness about this really terrible disease that millions suffer from in silence. Let’s unite to fight CBF!
Also, enjoy this video that basically sums this all up.